Thursday, March 20, 2003

I'm going to sleep after reading this week's Countdown to Bliss.

I wonder if I could write a post that would make it onto Craigs' Best Of List.
Hmm...
Talk about confidence!

Attention World: I look hot today

Yes, it's true. I look really hot today, much hotter than my usual cute self. I have soared about the 80th percentile of cuteness where I usally reside, to the heights of hotness. It's gone well from the time I got up (a little early), and I have to say that I have only gotten hotter as the day has progressed. My skin is brighter, my hair more lustrous, and, dare I say it, my already fine-sized breasts seem to have increased in size over night. Do not be afraid to stare. I am hot.

Should you care to ask me out when you see me around today (which you will), please do not be disappointed when in a few days we meet for drinks and I have returned to my old self. My personality, I assure you, is still pretty fucking amazing.


Is this what she meant?

You were sooooo HOT!!!

You: Hot. There's no other suitably words to describe you. Pure and simple. Scorching, on fire, sizzling....no. Pure and simple you were increadibly hot. I have not been the same since I saw you at lunch. I ache still with your memory.
Who was I. I was the poor sorry schlub who put you in my mouth where you proceeded to burn it's roof with your cheesy saucy crusty goodness. Man, it hurts.
But I got you. I ate you down good. I don't suppose I'll see you again for some hours and I'll be damned if you're ever that hot again. So take that.


Some people have so much time on their hands.
...Then there are the people (like me) who don't have the time, but are hopeless procrastinators. Damn.

I didn't even know Best of Craigslist existed! Thank you, Gawker!!

For example --

Want a Snow Penis on your front Yard? - $100 (Click on link to see photos)

We are what you may call, Snow Sculpters and we are willing to make you your very own SNOWPENIS for everyone to enjoy! Be the one on your block have the largest Snow Penis! We will come to your home and get to work and for only $100 each penis you will receive One penis and two testicles. Please give us 2 hours advanced notice.


I could probably get some frat boys to do the same for free, no?

Old joke -- What is the difference between snowmen & snowwomen?

Snowballs. *snicker*


Tuesday, March 18, 2003

At least we can still joke about it --

These Weapons of Mass Destruction cannot be displayed

Source -- Scumpa
Oy Gevalt!

I may have a VERY large phone bill coming my way. Seems that my computer has been using a long distance phone number [without my knowledge] to connect to the internet for the past month. Since my landline account doesn't have a specified long distance carrier, this looks very, VERY bad for me because I'm online for hours at a time. @ $4.80 or $9.60 / half an hour, you do the math. Oy vey iz mir!!

Monday, March 17, 2003

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You will soon have the power to
see what has been invisible and to decipher codes that have been
impenetrable. You'll shed a belief that has been crippling your
intelligence, and you'll lose a "friend" who has been undermining
your understanding of yourself. And that's not all, Aquarius. Just
in time, you will shake yourself free of a curious numbness,
allowing you to tune in to feelings that you desperately need to
experience. And you will finally find the words to name truths
that have been dangerously fuzzy.


Source -- Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
I've been neglecting my little blog because my hunt for graduate school housing continues.
At this point, it looks like I'd be lucky to get a room that reminds of me the ultra-depressing hotel room in The Shawshank Redemption. Great movie.

Don't worry, I'll make up for my neglect during grad school because I'll have -NO- social life -- Public transportation ends at 5:30PM [WTF???] & I'll be living off campus without a car.
*SO* cool!

Make a cyber snowflake!

Source -- B3ta
People in the UK with the same name as me --

There are

1458

People with the name Tiffany.
You are like a rare bird, Lost and pecking at nuts.


Play the name game.

Source -- B3ta

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Shout out to the bf --

WIFI CALORIES:

Now that there is competition among WiFi/food establishments, you've got some options:

Starbucks
Food: Blueberry crumb cake & Hot Cocoa with Whipping Cream
Nutrition: 1200 calories, 64g of fat
1 hour of WiFi: $6.00
Food Cost: ~ $3.75
Total Cost: $9.75

McDonalds
Food: Cheeseburger Meal, Small Fries, Small Shake
Nutrition: 1110 calories, 40g of fat
1 hour of WiFi: Included
Food Cost: $3.99
Total Cost: $3.99

McDonald's: Better for your wallet and your waist-line.


Source -- Gawker 3.12.03

Dude, this is only going to be make FATTER!
Seymour: I can't relate to 99% of humanity.


-- Ghost World

Bf thinks I'm a lot like the Enid character. He's right, I used to be... Am?

Now, I'm watching My First Mister.

The Jennifer character's angst-ridden teenager act a little extreme.
I never had tattoos nor piercings. Except for my ears. One hole each.
I have been *SO* overwhelmed -- Looking for grad school housing that is located 6 hours away.
I've been neglecting friends. Forgive me.

Classes begin in less than 2 weeks & I still don't have an address! Nor am I packed. Not even a little!

Making another trip this weekend...
Wish me luck.

At the very least, I should get some pretty pictures.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Is that a pen in your pocket or...

I love the description of Namiki's Nightline fountain pen --

"This is the pen," he said. On his desk was a wooden box tied with purple cord. He lifted the top and slowly unfurled a crimson cloth to reveal a black pen inlaid with seamless strips of abalone and sprinkles of gold dust. If you hold the pen vertically, the abalone slivers glint like city apartments at night, some bright, some dark. The gold dust shimmers like stars. As you turn it, the colors shift and change, constantly.

"It's a schematic city," he said gleefully. "The lights in windows change depending on who's staying up late."


Source -- New York Times
Stars in His Eyes Over a Pen
By ELAINE LOUIE
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 09:30:55 -0500
From: educator_in_chief@nobledesktop.com
Subject: From the Noble Desktop #26

Snapple Real Fact of the Month

Smelling bananas and/or apples can help you lose weight.

(Is someone verifying these facts, or is the Snapple Lady just
making them up?)


Tiffany's Real Fact of the Month -- Paying for graduate school tuition at a private educational institution will leave you very little money for food.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Am I the only one who has never seen the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee Sex Video???
& now, a Maxim-esque guide to buying THE ring --

WANT TO MARRY THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE? HERE'S HOW NOT TO GET SCREWED ON THE RING.
--Mike Bruno 02.26.03

Setting the stone against a silver colored metal will make it look clearer than if it's against yellow gold. Only 40-something Jersey chicks and Midwest trailer trash wear yellow gold these days. Check to make sure you are neither of those and ignore yellow gold. This is not debatable.


Read the whole article -- It's funny!
What the... ???


Unfortunately, I am already booked for that night, but you could go --

--- Matter/: Form ; wrote:
> From: Matter/:Form
> To: List Member
> Subject: Free Matter/:Form Pre Miami mixer with
> Tiger Beer open bar....
> Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2003 23:46:16 -0800
>
> Hello All,
>
> Elan Akerman (Matter/:Form)
> & Stephen Grimes (Touch)
>
> Would like to invite you to a very special event we
> are planning...
> Our very first pre-Miami mixer party.
>
> Our friends at Tiger Beer have been gracious enough
> to provide us with an open bar all night long.
>
> There will also be tasty appetizers served
> throughout the night.
>
> Therefore, would you be so kind as to join us at:
> Double Happiness (173 Mott St, New York)
>
> Thursday, March 13th
> 6pm-11pm
>
> Music selections provided by
> David Hollands (Minimal Wage)
> & Special Guests...
>
> Even if you are not going to Miami,
> (neither are we), come by....
>
> We hope to see you all there.
>
> Elan & Stephen


Send back a report! With photos!

...& tell me what they mean by pre-Miami. Football?
Note to self -- Call Mary & wish her a Happy Birthday. March 13th.

To do list --

-- Get haircut
-- Get monthly facial
-- Lower credit card APR
-- Pick up taxes from CPA
-- Call Angela sometime this week
-- Send in monthly check for COBRA insurance
-- Celebrate belated belated [I was supposed to make it up to him on Sunday & it didn't happen due to circumstances, so now it's doubly belated] birthday with bf
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
-- G. K. Chesterton

Source -- Quotes of the Day for March 11, 2003
One last thing before I log off to go to sleep --

DIRTY FAN MALE
A unique recording of obsessive letters.

Source -- Gawker 3.9.03
Pseudo-celebrities might just be more fun to watch than "real" ones. Though, the Anna Nicole Smith Show is SO dull!

Andrew Firestone, the great-grandson of tire entrepreneur Harvey Firestone, has been picked to be the new Bachelor. Read more about Andrew here! The third installment of the hit reality series will premiere on Wednesday, March 26, at 9/8c!

Next Episode: Wednesday, March 19, 9/8c
The Bachelor: Where Are They Now
Remember Christi, who couldn't stop crying over Aaron? And Shannon, who turned to stone when Alex told her goodbye? And what about Bob and Jamie, two well-liked guys who didn't win Trista's heart? Find out how their lives have changed and what it was really like to go through their television dating experience.

The special includes updates on Heather (from Texas), who had a pageant-like competitiveness about Aaron, Brooke, the Southern belle, and Gwen, the soft-spoken but strong woman — both nearly won Aaron's heart before he ultimately proposed to Helene Ecksterowicz. And now that Trista and Ryan are engaged, is there exciting news from our happy couple?

Other highlights include:

Follow along as Shannon meets her new boyfriend's parents for the very first time
Go wedding dress shopping with Trista and Ryan, and get the latest on their wedding plans
Witness a surprise marriage proposal for one of the former "bachelorettes."


Source -- ABC
I'm really addicted to the Chicago soundtrack right now. Love it! Only thing is I keep picturing Lilith from Cheers when I hear Bebe Neuwirth sing as Velma.

Have a listen to All That Jazz.

The Daily News Daily Dish reports --

Diners waiting to check their coats for lunch at the midtown power feedery Michael's one day last week were astonished by Neuwirth's performance when she approached the restaurant's desk. One of the captains brightened and announced, "It's 'Chicago' day!" When Neuwirth asked "Why? Who's here?" — and learned that Renee Zellweger, who has a Best Actress nomination for her movie role as Roxie Hart, was also in the house, Bebe let loose a lecture on the vast superiority of live theater.


Source -- Gawker 3.10.03

Monday, March 10, 2003

Another good place to eat on the upper east side -- Barking Dog on 3rd Avenue & 94th. I had a nice lunch there with Mr. T -- No, not that one, if you're even old enough to recognize the reference.

Again, bring cash because they don't take credit cards. & patience because the service is SLOW!
& for the non-i-bankers --

“It’s shocking,” she says. “I’ve sent out hundreds of résumés, and I’ve only gotten one interview.” She’s far from alone...

Jane is biding her time—and paying rent on her Williamsburg studio apartment—with freelance publicity jobs. “I’ve thrown morals and taste by the wayside,” she says with a laugh. “Right now I’m representing a hip-hop-porno DVD.”

The past few months in particular—which have been marked by everything from a broken laptop to a job at another hip-hop magazine that seemed to be hers but then went to an employee inside the company—have caused Jane to reexamine her career aspirations.


Source -- Generation Hexed
By Ethan Brown

...Hip Hop Porno?

My version -- I worked at an internet company for 6 months until they realized they could get cheaper (To the tune of 10-15K) labor & laid me off. Many, many resumes later, I landed a random job by chance. 6 months later, my position turned into something that is not a "good fit" (I hate that term) for me, & I had told them 2 weeks into the job that I never want to be transferred into that particular section. I was never consulted -- I learned of my new duties during an office meeting at the same time all my new co-workers did. After MUCH AGONY (Job-wise & worse, politically), I had to quit. The people at unemployment decided that I quit without good cause (Suicidal tendencies is not good cause??), so I started living off savings. Savings from a job that paid $5K less than what I was making at my first full-time job out of college. Savings depleted by $8K because of this economic crisis we are in. A week after I quit, my world was ROCKED by a personal crisis that I am still dealing with. Many tears & many more resumes later, I am still unemployed & searching for answers. My archaic laptop died on me about a month or so later. I'm reexamining my occupational, educational & personal aspirations. Will I ever have a career? Doing what? Is grad school worth the money? Should I have children? What the *F* am I doing with my life?

I'm not even good enough for temp work --

But even menial temp jobs—such as working in the basement of Sports Illustrated, bar-coding old photo negatives—have been hard to come by. And forget about jobs in industries that Dworken would like to work in, all of which, he says, feel impossibly out of reach. “The response is ‘Great résumé, we’d love to have you, but we have 400 résumés.’ Sometimes I feel like I have a better chance of becoming the CEO of Lehman Brothers,” he adds, “than getting some of the jobs I apply for.”


Source -- Ibid
Happiness != "good" education + marriage + job with fat paycheck?
Poor (Financially (Relatively, of course) & emotionally) i-bankers...

Down and Out on Wall Street
By Robert Kolker

...One out of every ten employees in the securities industry has been relieved of responsibility since April 2001; by all reports, the cutbacks continue. But now it’s not just lost jobs. Two trends are at play in the Top-Down Recession: the worst layoffs in a generation and, for those who have dodged them, the withering away of Wall Street bonuses. In 2000, the financial-services bonus pool was $19.4 billion; last year, it was $7.9 billion. The average bonus dropped from $104,600 to $48,500. Wall Street hasn’t seen a two-consecutive-year decrease in bonuses since the eighties. “What I keep hearing now is base pay of $80,000, and the bonus is eat-what-you-kill,” whispered one once-and-future investment banker at a networking session for unemployed executives in midtown. “If you don’t close a deal, you don’t get a bonus.”

...It’s a profound change in the way Wall Street people are paid—and the end, for the foreseeable future, of financial services as a bulletproof career. Investment banks that two years ago offered signing bonuses, relocation costs, and even guaranteed second-year bonuses to new M.B.A.’s, are now redefining the terms of the deal. “I talk to recruiters who’ve been at this for 30 years, and they’ve never seen anything like this,” says Tony Brown, director of staffing for Bear Stearns. “Even someone who saw the downturn in ’74—he says he’s never seen anything remotely like this. The year-end bonus has become discretionary. Now, to a student sitting on a business-school campus, that seems almost unfair. But how in the world can you expect a firm to guarantee a bonus when no one internally is guaranteed of even having a job?”

...“Try getting a date in New York when you’re unemployed,” says John, an M.B.A. who worked in Telecom and venture capital and who’s been searching for a job since spring 2001. “I met somebody for drinks yesterday at the Royalton, and it was 72 bucks.”

...Michael turns to me. “These are people who’ve basically done everything right,” he says. “They’ve gone to good schools, taken the right jobs. And not passively, either—they took risks from time to time, they did entrepreneurial things. Then this recession made them ask if they even picked the right career in the first place.”

“Sometimes,” says John, “I think the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life was being accepted by Harvard Business School.”

...Once laid off, Will would spend five hours a day with his daughter. “I mean, I don’t know one senior-level person I worked with who has a healthy marriage. They don’t spend time with their families. You can tell they don’t want to. People are very quick to say, ‘Let’s have a call on the weekend,’ or ‘Let’s cancel vacations.’ Divorce rates are relatively high, although I think some bankers don’t want to get divorced because it would be so expensive. And you know, to be honest with you, I don’t know too many happy bankers. People aren’t happy.”

...How much is he getting paid? “My base is $125,000. I don’t know the bonus. Yesterday, the guy who runs my group said, ‘We’re gonna give people their bonus numbers this week, and they’re gonna be terrible. And it’s for two reasons. One, business is down. And two, because we can.’ I’ll probably make $350,000, maybe less. I probably need to make at least $300,000 in total, pretax, to break even.”

A few days later, I catch up with Will on the phone. He’s seething.

“I totally got fucked,” he says. “I got $100,000, and I was expecting more than double that. It’s bullshit. It’s basically a quarter of what I got last year. I’m only making $200,000 a year. It’s the same as I got my first year out of business school. I’m paying to work here now.”


Source -- Gawker 3.10.03